So many – and I do mean, many – times in my life, I’ve been derailed and shut down by all the things I didn’t know. And for some reason, it took awhile to recognize the pattern, and then even longer to realize its source.
It was fear, to be sure, but of what – exactly? The unknown? Yeah, but honestly, we spend all our lives not knowing much more than we know, so why is it so much more of a problem when it comes to following our dreams?
I kept telling myself I just “wanted to be prepared.” And that it was good that I “knew I didn’t know.” I still feel that way. But the problem was, I kept letting it stop me. And I got so tired of that endless, go-nowhere loop.
Fear made me back away from what felt scary. It made me avoid what felt risky and unclear. And it served a purpose: when there’s a real danger, fear is a hard-wired alert system that keeps us from getting eaten by the saber-toothed tiger while we’re reaching for berries.
But if we always give into its warnings and avoid all unknown territory just to keep ourselves calm, we set this behavior in our brain as the default program for the future.
And that’s a big problem.
All of life is uncertain. All the time. But as we age, the practiced pathways in our brain get harder to change.
But if we’ve painted ourselves into a corner, we can paint ourselves out of it. Bit by bit, step by step, day by day.
All the stuff we haven’t done yet seems hard. But Sacred Desire has this magnetic way of pulling us forward through scary terrain. It keeps us looking expectantly in the right direction.
We have to harness this Desire in ourselves to do the things we envision. Desire is sacred and full of purpose and has a special magic that helps us get to where we need to go.
The journey (and destination, for that matter) may not look like we think it will. It may not feel like we think it will. But we can look around and see quite clearly that we’re not in Kansas anymore. Which is nothing but a plus.
And when the old familiar anxiety rises and screams: “Put on the brakes! You don’t know what you’re doing! You look like an idiot! You’re gonna crash and burn!” you just have to yell right back at it:
“Yeah, ain’t it exciting? Maybe I do look dumb, but I’m finally doing something! And I’ll land where I land! At least I’m learning!”
And we do. We always do.
- Like when we learned to crawl and learned to walk.
- Learned to tie our shoes and ride a bike.
- Learned to go to school by ourselves and deal with strangers.
- Learned math. (Enough said : )
- Learned to trust others. Learned not to trust others exhibiting certain behaviors.
- Learned that even though we hate it, we actually don’t die when we speak in front of a group.
- Learned that if you want friends and good experiences, you have to risk and leap. And leap again. Leap frog over this to land on that.
- Learned to make life-shaping choices, even if they were the wrong ones.
- Learned how to make different choices that lead to different experiences and outcomes.
You get the point. You’ve faced the Unknown before, and you didn’t die. Chances are, you won’t die now.
How many people live lives of quiet desperation, like Henry David Thoreau said? Millions? Billions?
Do you want to be one of them? I don’t. So I’m changing my ways. And you know what’s funny? I find that as I face uncertainty and just allow myself to feel uncertain and still move forward, I also start to feel a different kind of power …
A power that says, whatever will be, will be. And if I fail, I don’t want it to be because I never tried. I want to fail successfully. Meaning, I want to learn from it, over and over, so that I can gain steady ground on success.
Which for me isn’t big and gleaming and high-rise and rolling in throw-away cash like Harry and Lloyd in Dumb & Dumber.
It’s more subtle, more LUSH. It’s climbing roses outside my window and working diligently at something I love and having enough money to pay my bills and live more on my own terms and being able to pay cash for a few bigger items.
It’s maybe getting a tiny house one day, just because I love them. I could make it an art studio. It’s going to Ireland once a year because it feels like home, and going somewhere else that doesn’t just because I’m curious to see this strange and beautiful world.
Ultimately?
Success is moving past the dullness of half-living and crossing over into a new and vibrant land … one where the wild potential of our dreams is greater than the risk it took to get there.
So bless those sacred winds. Kiss that hallowed ground. Take heart, step into that uncharted, breathless Unknown … and don’t look back.
Our real lives are waiting.
